Vanessa is young and at the beginning of her adult life, but it doesn’t make the pain of heartbreak and the end of a relationship any less painful. Vanessa asked whether I could look at her chart some months after she had ended a relationship with her boyfriend. The circumstances around the breakup were that he no longer wanted to wait for her to return from living abroad and had already been unfaithful. Vanessa felt haunted by this breakup and missing the relationship, and although she was otherwise happy with her life, she wondered whether she could ever truly be happy again, without him, or without a significant other to share her life with.
An analysis of Vanessa’s chart and her ex didn’t show any significant key relationships between planets and angles, and so I don’t think he represents a significant karmic or soul contract connection. Similarly, a look at the transits around the time of the breakup also doesn’t reveal any significant event or energy had shifted in Vanessa’s life. What we can do is turn our attention to the themes in Vanessa’s natal chart to see how the breakup ties in with the larger themes of what this lifetime is calling her towards.
Vanessa’s Pluto is in the 12th house in Sagittarius. Her soul has been exploring issues of the deeply held belief that unconditional love is a sacrifice. Vanessa herself said almost this exact phrase one evening at an astrology group lesson, stating that she gave her boyfriend everything and it was all for nothing and he didn’t return the love. It is no surprise that the situation around the breakup reveals this pain when she is geographically unavailable to give her all, and is then rejected because of her absence. The deeply held beliefs people have are often indicated by their Pluto, and this is even stronger in Vanessa’s generation because she is in the Sagittarius generation. In her 12th house, her soul has been exploring beliefs about love and connection and surrender.
Vanessa’s lunar south node is in the 4th house Aries. We can almost see her question here in this south node. “Who am I (Aries) if I am not loved?” But this is not quite accurate. What we see is that Vanessa’s soul has had incarnations of lifetimes where it has experienced inner emotional insecurity impacted by a loss of identity, not the other way around. Vanessa feels that she is too emotional, or that her emotions hold her back from being who she could be. Vanessa is learning, as well all are, the importance of accepting her emotions as integral to her overall whole self.
Vanessa’s south node ruler is Mars, which is located in her second house in Capricorn. It is also conjunct Uranus, the trauma signature. I have not spoken to Vanessa much about her childhood, but it seems that perhaps in this lifetime she experienced this south node in the way I will describe, as indicated by its ruler Mars, and the trauma signature indicated by Uranus. Perhaps she learned to dull her emotional response (2nd house) in order to be safe in the face of the authority figure (Capricorn) in her family or peer groups. As long as she focused on denying her own needs (2nd house) and her own will (Mars) so as to avoid the wrath of those establishing the rules, she had a sense of safety . Vanessa has had lifetimes of feeling unsafe at the hands of others, and in this lifetime this is directly related to the significant themes of what it means to love, wholly and completely as oneself, with a strong and rich inner emotional life.
In this light we can see that the end of a relationship with a man who Vanessa feels she gave everything to and it still wasn’t enough to ensure her safety, stability and acceptance within the relationship, is truly crushing and exacerbates these soul themes with great pain and suffering.
The solace here can perhaps be discovered by examining what the soul wants to learn and experience.
Vanessa’s Pluto Polarity Point is in the 6th house Gemini. This points to an awareness that if Vanessa can learn to exchange with others as an act of integration of who she is and who they are (rather than feeling there is sacrifice) then she can find her authentic expression of service. No longer will what she gives to others feel self-sacrificing, but instead it will be an exchange and what she gives will be in direct response to that exchange.
Vanessa’s north node in the 10th house Libra is like a beacon lighting the way forward. It clearly calls her towards becoming her own authority (10th house) in the one-to-one exchange in relationships. If Vanessa can decide what to give and establish boundaries and conditions around what she receives in relationships then she will experience true unconditional love.
The north node ruler in Vanessa’s chart is Venus and is located in the second house Aquarius. This provides clues for how she can activate this north node energy. The second house Venus might point to deeply valuing her emotional life in a way that contributes (Aquarius) to others. It may also say that establishing deep contact with her own inner values and connecting with like minded groups of people who can help her strengthen this inner self will also lead her to her north node themes.
By restoring the balance in relationships and who she gives her power away to, and by ensuring that what she gives directly reflects what she most deeply values and wants to contribute, then Vanessa will have many fulfilling relationships, romantic and otherwise, that allow her to move closer to what we all deeply desire, the true experience of unconditional love.
So, back to Vanessa’s question. Will she be fulfilled without a romantic relationship? The short answer is probably not, because her moon desires deep merging (8th house) with others in a way that allows her to shine as her authentic self (Leo). But before she can reach the deep emotional intimacy that she craves, and correctly feels will enhance her life, her soul is calling her to examine what it means to truly give of oneself, and to ensure one gives from their most deeply felt values. Unconditional love and total acceptance is waiting for Vanessa, and will flow in with her own unconditional love and acceptance for herself, and through the restoration of boundaries that honour herself and what she truly deserves.
